Subj: RE: My dad died this morning.
Date: 1/26/00 2:47:57 PM Pacific Standard Time
From: cathyallor@northwesternmutual.com
To: KEVIN4VFT@aol.com
File: BDY.RTF (4093 bytes)
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Kevin -
My thoughts and prayers are very much with you and your family
today of all days......I am so sorry about your father. I know that he
is with God now, and not in any pain.
Liz sent me a couple of other of your e-mails - so much of what
you experienced is incredibly reminiscent. I don't know if she told you
how sudden our mom's illness and death were. We had 6 days to discover
what was wrong with her and deal with all the confusion of multiple
doctors, invasive ventilators, drugs, etc to figure out what was going
on. Like you, pneumonia wasn't a scary thing until my mom actually got
it and then she could no longer breathe. Like your father, she was in
and out of awareness even though she was in the hospital such a short
time. We had only two "awake and aware" times with her where we tried
to be completely positive with her as we did not even consider that she
could be actually dying. We did not get to say much and that is the
saddest part for me of the suddenness of it all. It was an hour by hour
watch of her condition.
We would think it would be okay to leave the ICU for an hour and
then something else would happen. We had difficult decisions to make
the entire time about her treatment and what the "prognosis" was. In
the end, none of the Living Will paperwork seems to matter because it is
all so unclear anyway and there is so much gray area. Do we put her
back on the ventilator? For how long? A day, a month? Will she get
over the virus/pneumonia, etc? and then be able to breathe okay? No one
can give any answers....
I know how completely helpless it feels at that point - and it
sounds like with your Dad, you and your mom felt helpless as well. Liz
and I spent days and weeks thinking, "How could this happen?" Of
course, there are no answers to any of it.
I hope that your family and friends are all together in offerring
their support and kindness. And that you can gain strength from your
family in the difficult moments that each of you will experience at
different times. It has only been a couple of months for us and those
moments are still very frequent and difficult and it helps to help each
other. I am sure the days ahead will be filled with unbelievable
demands on you and your family - emotionally, and practically speaking.
I know Liz and I marvel at how we got through the week following mom's
death and planning her service when now it seems like we can only do one
thing at a time once a week if we are lucky. Our thoughts and prayers
are with you now. Take care of each other. Love, Catharine
-----Original Message-----
From: KEVIN4VFT [SMTP:KEVIN4VFT@aol.com]
Sent: Wednesday, January 26, 2000 9:31 AM
To: KEVIN4VFT
Cc: KEVIN4VFT
Subject: My dad died this morning.
I wish I had time right now to write each of you
personally; I am so thankful for everyone's support.
Dad died this morning. Last night he thrashed about,
trying to rip his gown off and get out of bed. These
agitated protests had become quite common the
last few weeks. I told him that if he wanted out of
his bed, he would have to relax and let God get him
out. God is good. Trust Him. His arms fell to his
sides and he relaxed. That was the last I saw him.
I believe he trusted in God, and I rejoice in His
great love and mercy
Thanks again for your friendship and support.
Kevin C.
http://members.aol.com/VFTINC/home/
---------------------------------------------
And they shall beat their swords into plowshares
and sit under their Vine & Fig Tree.
Micah 4:1-7
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From: cathyallor@northwesternmutual.com
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Date: Wed, 26 Jan 2000 16:47:28 -0600
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Subject: RE: My dad died this morning.
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