Subj: RE: 911 Prayer Request Update
Date: 1/26/00 7:13:40 PM Pacific Standard Time
From: eallor@mofo.com (Allor, Elizabeth P.)
To: KEVIN4VFT@aol.com ('KEVIN4VFT@aol.com')
Another thought from someone who has just been through this -- you may not
want to hear/read this now, so put it aside if you don't want to. I had not
realized until I did more reading after my Mom's death, how serious
pneumonia is, particularly in someone who is older and has compromised lung
function to begin with. While I understand that might not even have been
what your father had, I think it helps explain why the medical professionals
reacted the way they did -- with questions about heroic measures, living
wills, etc. One of the hardest things we faced was walking into the ICU and
having the doctors and nurses look at us like we were idiots because we
didn't know that Mom had "advanced" COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary
disease). We didn't know because Mom didn't tell us and hid it well. I
think part of what the doctors and nurses want to do is prepare you for the
worst case and be brutally honest about what the worst possible outcome
might be. At the same time, we hope that they will try to help us achieve
the best possible outcome and do it in a caring and compassionate way.
-----Original Message-----
From: KEVIN4VFT@aol.com [mailto:KEVIN4VFT@aol.com]
Sent: January 25, 2000 2:00 PM
To: KEVIN4VFT@aol.com
Subject: 911 Prayer Requst Update
Here's the latest on Dad. It may be a bit on the long side.
I'm wondering whether we're doing the right thing, or
whether we're committing some kind of euthanasia.
On Saturday night dad's breathing became labored
and by Sunday noon he was in miserable shape,
I was scared and called 911. The paramedics,
God bless them, said "It looks, tastes and smells
like pneumonia." I was quite relieved. We had
been giving him his daily cancer treatments for
a month (five hours of infusions and 70 pills a day),
and he had been steadily losing mental clarity.
Whereas he had at first been eager to take his
pills, even asking or reminding us about whether
he was due for a dose, he became increasingly
resistant to treatment, agitated and angry.
Mom and I had to watch him full time, 24/7,
to make sure that when he got up he did not trip
and fall -- and he began getting up every hour,
even through the night.
In short, we were relieved and optimistic
that a short stay in the hospital could clear
up his congestion, get his days and night ordered,
and give us time to rest up. We were totally
exhausted.
After an hour wait in the ER waiting room, I decided
I wasn't accomplishing much, and drove home to
send out some emergency prayer request email,
which you received. At first it said dad had pneumonia
and it looked OK. But then my sister called from
the hospital and said the doctors were giving us bad news.
The first words spoken to my mom were "Do you
have a living will? Have you made decisions about
heroic measures?" We thought it was just pneumonia.
My mom was certainly shocked by this legal "bedside
manner." I sent out an "It looks bad" email motivated by
near-hysteria and headed to the hospital
About six hours later I saw dad and he was calm,
peaceful, breathing well. I assumed again that he
could be treated for pneumonia and we could resume
the cancer treatments. I was a tad angry that lawyers
were telling doctors what to tell family of patients.
In the process of talking with the doctor in charge of
my dad I discovered that my parents' will does not
reflect their wishes. This is because lawyers and
doctors don't know how to communicate. (Surprise!)
A nurse friend of mine told me yesterday morning that
my parents' will would get both of them tagged
"DNR" -- "Do Not Resuscitate." This because of
language in their will which says no to "heroic measures."
It's one paragraph of canned legalese. You insert the word
"REQUEST" or "DENY" in the blank and the computer
prints out the will. My mom and dad would have wanted
"heroic measures" performed if they were short-term
measures with the prospect of a resumption of life
more-or-less like life the day before we called 911.
Mom would have preferred to resuscitate Dad if his
heart stopped or breathing needed help if those
measures would have gotten him through a crises and
we could then resume treatment for the cancer.
What lawyers are thinking and what doctors are thinking
are two different things, and both differ from what patients
and family are thinking.
We had hopes that the "alternative treatment"
my dad is undergoing will cure his cancer.
No illusions, but hope. The treatment has had
remarkable success. We were quite impressed
with their facility in Houston, and it isn't like
going to a back alley in Tijuana for apricot pits.
http://www.cancermed.com/
The doctor in charge of my dad is utterly
unfamiliar with this alternative therapy, and
assumes the treatment is medical quackery
or religious hokum, and this informs his
understanding of my dad's will, which speaks
of an "incurable and irreversible" condition.
He would not perform any "heroic measures'
because he thinks my dad's a goner. We
would have approved such measures because
we're eager to resume his "unconventional
therapy." We tried to describe this therapy,
but the doctor had already placed us and the
therapy in the "upper story" (as Francis Schaeffer
called it). He gave us all kinds of irritating, syrupy
platitudes like "We respect your right to believe in
any way that makes you happy, and we want you
to be comfortable with your beliefs." In other words,
"You have the right to be stupid and to nurture a subjective
warm fuzzy feeling in the New Age world of non-reason,
no matter how unrealistic or even false, but I live in the
real, scientific world of conventional approaches and
tight budgets." But since he did not believe in the reality
of our "upper-story," he would not let that interfere
in *his* decision-making process.
Boy, that "You have the right to be stupid and
we respect your unrespectable beliefs" stuff
really bugs me.
Bottom line: nothing would be done to cure
his pneumonia, because his will said "no
heroic measures." It's true that mom has
the final word, but she and I are simply not
strong enough to continue treating him,
especially in the mental state he had before
we called 911.
The next day things changed somewhat. We were
told that X-rays showed that the cancer was strangling
his lung, and that he didn't actually have pneumonia.
Moments later a representative for the hospice program
took us aside and gave us her pitch. "Make them
comfortable." I really don't believe in the interminable
process of machines keeping dead bodies moving.
I like the idea of people dying at home without racking
up hundreds of thousands of dollars of medical bills.
I like the idea of making death comfortable. The
hospice rep said that fluids make the body
uncomfortable. Sounded good at the time, but as
I think about it now, we're simply starving dad to
death. I should say, "comfortably" starving dad to
death.
As I write, mom and sis are at the bank doing some
financial things, getting copies of papers out of the
safe-deposit box, etc., and then we're going to the
hospital, where I hear Dad is peaceful, calm, and
in no pain, due to drip morphine.
Pray for us while we're there. And if you'd
like to pray that God will tell Dad to take up his
bed and walk, that would be OK with us! :-)
We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be
absent from the body and to be present with the Lord.
Therefore we make it our aim, whether present or absent,
to be well pleasing to Him.
2 Corinthians 5:8-9
Kevin C.
http://members.aol.com/VFTINC/
---------------------------------------------
And they shall beat their swords into plowshares
and sit under their Vine & Fig Tree.
Micah 4:1-7
============================================================================
This message contains information which may be confidential and privileged.
Unless you are the addressee (or authorized to receive for the addressee),
you may not use, copy or disclose to anyone the message or any information
contained in the message. If you have received the message in error, please
advise the sender by reply e-mail @mofo.com, and delete the message.
Thank you very much.
============================================================================
----------------------- Headers --------------------------------
Return-Path:
Received: from rly-zb02.mx.aol.com (rly-zb02.mail.aol.com [172.31.41.2]) by air-zb04.mail.aol.com (v67_b1.21) with ESMTP; Wed, 26 Jan 2000 22:13:40 -0500
Received: from smtp2.verio.net (smtp2.ncal.verio.com [207.20.246.162]) by rly-zb02.mx.aol.com (v67_b1.21) with ESMTP; Wed, 26 Jan 2000 22:13:24 1900
Received: from s030.mofo.com ([204.247.168.102])
by smtp2.verio.net (8.8.8+Sun/8.8.7) with SMTP id TAA11471
for ; Wed, 26 Jan 2000 19:13:23 -0800 (PST)
Received: from 150.150.1.71 by s030.mofo.com with ESMTP (WorldSecure
Server SMTP Relay(WSS) v4.3); Wed, 26 Jan 00 19:14:16 -0800
X-Server-Uuid: e5504406-6931-11d2-9014-00805f657af0
Received: by S010.MOFO.COM with Internet Mail Service (5.5.2448.0) id
; Wed, 26 Jan 2000 19:13:18 -0800
Message-ID: <839B335DA467D211AC1E00A0C922F85407507EDC@S010.MOFO.COM>
From: "Allor, Elizabeth P."
To: "'KEVIN4VFT@aol.com'"
Subject: RE: 911 Prayer Request Update
Date: Wed, 26 Jan 2000 19:13:17 -0800
MIME-Version: 1.0
X-Mailer: Internet Mail Service (5.5.2448.0)
X-WSS-ID: 149167825819-01-01
Content-Type: text/plain;
charset=iso-8859-1
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit