Subj: Re: 911 Prayer Request Update
Date: 1/25/00 9:54:30 PM Pacific Standard Time
From: terese@justice.com (Terese Caraccio)
To: KEVIN4VFT@aol.com
Oh, Kevin, I'm so sorry that you have to deal with legal terminology, doctors and lawyers not communicating, and doctor platitudes at this critical time. I just want to let you know that you and your family are in my prayers and that I support you and the desisions you make in all this. I am sorry to hear that it is more severe than pneumonia.
Did you know that it is because of hospice nurses that I am a nurse today? I really admired the hospice nurse that worked with Raul at the CW. She wasn't there just for Raul. As well, she recognized my pain and own sense of helplessness, and showed me at the same time how to best be there for Raul. How to make him comfortable and how to accept my limitations. I just remember, after talking with her, I didn't feel so helpless or so bad. It was that time that I decided to become a nurse.
Kevin, I am really glad we spoke yesterday. My heart and prayers are with you.
Today, I ran into Buck at the supermarket. He was doing security there. We talked for an hour! I'll fill you in. He says hi.
Please call me Kevin if you need ANYTHING.
Just to talk too.
All my love,
Teesee
On Tue, 25 January 2000, KEVIN4VFT@aol.com wrote:
>
> Here's the latest on Dad. It may be a bit on the long side.
> I'm wondering whether we're doing the right thing, or
> whether we're committing some kind of euthanasia.
>
> On Saturday night dad's breathing became labored
> and by Sunday noon he was in miserable shape,
> I was scared and called 911. The paramedics,
> God bless them, said "It looks, tastes and smells
> like pneumonia." I was quite relieved. We had
> been giving him his daily cancer treatments for
> a month (five hours of infusions and 70 pills a day),
> and he had been steadily losing mental clarity.
> Whereas he had at first been eager to take his
> pills, even asking or reminding us about whether
> he was due for a dose, he became increasingly
> resistant to treatment, agitated and angry.
> Mom and I had to watch him full time, 24/7,
> to make sure that when he got up he did not trip
> and fall -- and he began getting up every hour,
> even through the night.
>
> In short, we were relieved and optimistic
> that a short stay in the hospital could clear
> up his congestion, get his days and night ordered,
> and give us time to rest up. We were totally
> exhausted.
>
> After an hour wait in the ER waiting room, I decided
> I wasn't accomplishing much, and drove home to
> send out some emergency prayer request email,
> which you received. At first it said dad had pneumonia
> and it looked OK. But then my sister called from
> the hospital and said the doctors were giving us bad news.
> The first words spoken to my mom were "Do you
> have a living will? Have you made decisions about
> heroic measures?" We thought it was just pneumonia.
> My mom was certainly shocked by this legal "bedside
> manner." I sent out an "It looks bad" email motivated by
> near-hysteria and headed to the hospital
> About six hours later I saw dad and he was calm,
> peaceful, breathing well. I assumed again that he
> could be treated for pneumonia and we could resume
> the cancer treatments. I was a tad angry that lawyers
> were telling doctors what to tell family of patients.
>
> In the process of talking with the doctor in charge of
> my dad I discovered that my parents' will does not
> reflect their wishes. This is because lawyers and
> doctors don't know how to communicate. (Surprise!)
> I was particular annoyed and alarmed at your input,
> Teesie, that my parents' will would get both of them tagged
> "DNR" -- "Do Not Resuscitate." My mom and dad
> would have wanted "heroic measures" performed if they
> were short-term measures with the prospect of a resumption
> of life more-or-less like life the day before we called 911.
> Mom would have preferred to resuscitate Dad if his
> heart stopped or breathing needed help if those
> measures would have gotten him through a crises and
> we could then resume treatment for the cancer.
> What lawyers are thinking and what doctors are thinking
> are two different things, and both differ from what patients
> and family are thinking.
>
> We had hopes that the "alternative treatment"
> my dad is undergoing will cure his cancer.
> No illusions, but hope. The treatment has had
> remarkable success. We were quite impressed
> with their facility in Houston, and it isn't like
> going to a back alley in Tijuana for apricot pits.
>
> http://www.cancermed.com/
>
> The doctor in charge of my dad is utterly
> unfamiliar with this alternative therapy, and
> assumes the treatment is medical quackery
> or religious hokum, and this informs his
> understanding of my dad's will, which speaks
> of an "incurable and irreversible" condition.
> He would not perform any "heroic measures'
> because he thinks my dad's a goner. We
> would have approved such measures because
> we're eager to resume his "unconventional
> therapy." We tried to describe this therapy,
> but the doctor had already placed us and the
> therapy in the "upper story" (as Francis Schaeffer
> called it). He gave us all kinds of irritating, syrupy
> platitudes like "We respect your right to believe in
> any way that makes you happy, and we want you
> to be comfortable with your beliefs." In other words,
> "You have the right to be stupid and to nurture a subjective
> warm fuzzy feeling in the New Age world of non-reason,
> no matter how unrealistic or even false, but I live in the
> real, scientific world of conventional approaches and
> tight budgets." But since he did not believe in the reality
> of our "upper-story," he would not let that interfere
> in *his* decision-making process.
>
> Boy, that "You have the right to be stupid and
> we respect your unrespectable beliefs" stuff
> really bugs me.
>
> Bottom line: nothing would be done to cure
> his pneumonia, because his will said "no
> heroic measures." It's true that mom has
> the final word, but she and I are simply not
> strong enough to continue treating him,
> especially in the mental state he had before
> we called 911.
>
> The next day things changed somewhat. We were
> told that X-rays showed that the cancer was strangling
> his lung, and that he didn't actually have pneumonia.
> Moments later a representative for the hospice program
> took us aside and gave us her pitch. "Make them
> comfortable." I really don't believe in the interminable
> process of machines keeping dead bodies moving.
> I like the idea of people dying at home without racking
> up hundreds of thousands of dollars of medical bills.
> I like the idea of making death comfortable. The
> hospice rep said that fluids make the body
> uncomfortable. Sounded good at the time, but as
> I think about it now, we're simply starving dad to
> death. I should say, "comfortably" starving dad to
> death.
>
> As I write, mom and sis are at the bank doing some
> financial things, getting copies of papers out of the
> safe-deposit box, etc., and then we're going to the
> hospital, where I hear Dad is peaceful, calm, and
> in no pain, due to drip morphine.
>
> Pray for us while we're there. And if you'd
> like to pray that God will tell Dad to take up his
> bed and walk, that would be OK with us! :-)
>
> Thanks for your support and input!
>
>
>
>
> We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be
> absent from the body and to be present with the Lord.
> Therefore we make it our aim, whether present or absent,
> to be well pleasing to Him.
> 2 Corinthians 5:8-9
>
>
> Kevin C.
> http://members.aol.com/VFTINC/
> ---------------------------------------------
>
> And they shall beat their swords into plowshares
> and sit under their Vine & Fig Tree.
> Micah 4:1-7
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To: KEVIN4VFT@aol.com
From: Terese Caraccio
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Subject: Re: 911 Prayer Request Update